It’s a brand new year and most people make a futile attempt at making resolutions they intend to make happen in the new year. Quit smoking, less sugar, go on a diet, try to save more money, etc. In most cases these resolutions don’t work out the way people had hoped they might. But what about sex resolutions for the new year? Have you even given that any thought as a way to make your love life with your partner better?
I have been working on writing a book regarding sex, mature couples and the swinging lifestyle and have the first draft about 80% complete. Much of what is in the book is taken from both our personal experiences over the years and in talks, comments, Q and A’s from various couples I (we) have known in that time to the present both in and out of the lifestyle. So with all of that in mind what follows is coming from mature adults who have “been there, done that”. Here then are some resolutions and ideas to take a really good look at that can add some new sexual sparks to your love life in 2018.
Spending more time on foreplay. This was something that just about everyone mentioned first as one of the important “missing links”. The build up to the actual sex act should be very exciting with a lot more kissing, caressing, touching and, teasing, and from both parties. Don’t rush through it, take your time and really make it something special. You can start it anywhere and eventually lead it to the bedroom, but take your time with it and really make foreplay something very special for the both of you. It creates a sexual tension that can really become explosive when you get into more intimate things. So make sure that some extended foreplay becomes part of your encounters.
Use oral sex more. This is a part of sex play and sexual excitement that is very important. There is absolutely nothing wrong, or perverted, in performing oral sex as some people are raised to believe. The biggest problem that I heard was that women are afraid to tell there man “do this or do that” so they could derive full pleasure from them. The same was true for men being afraid to tell their woman what to do and what they like when it comes to performing oral on them. This is one of the most intimate and pleasurable acts there is, so let each other know what it is you’d like from them when they perform the act so that you both get the maximum pleasure from it.
Try something new. I am amazed at how many people will say that until they experimented more they thought the missionary position was it. The idea of doggy style, spoon, cowgirl, anal, etc. sounded perverse and not at all comfortable until they tried it and found how much new excitement they got from it. Again it comes from how they were raised and what they were told regarding sexual intercourse. There are any number of positions that will enhance the sexual union. Aside from new positions a lot of women have said the use of vibrators, dildos and other toys are very exciting and pleasurable additions to the sex act. Many men have always thought that a woman using a toy on herself was a put down to him but that is not true at all. Once the man becomes part of that pleasure it opens up a whole new world for both. So add some new twists this year and enjoy.
Get out of your comfort zone. This is something many couples won’t do mainly because of the next suggestion below. They prefer to keep it the same old, same old. But once they give in to trying something out of their comfort zone they realize what they have been missing. Ever try a blindfold? Ever go to a nude beach? Ever try making love in a parked car? Ever try doing role play? Ever go to an adult movie theater? These are just some of the ideas that can spark a whole new feeling about your sexuality. They can also lend a new air of excitement to what takes place at home. Discuss these ideas and find the ones that you are willing to try. Which leads to the next thoughts.
Communicate, communicate, communicate! No matter whether you’re married one year, five years, ten years, etc. this always seems to be an area of major concern when it comes to sex. Talk with your partner about their likes and dislikes, about fantasies, about trying something out of your comfort zone. Sex is supposed to be exciting, pleasurable, fun and explosive. But if you keep things inside and to yourself, how will you know your partner is really being pleased or just going through the motions so they don’t “rock the boat”? Open up to each other and you will be totally surprised at some of the things you will discover about each other sexually that could change everything for the better. That should be a priority resolution for the new year.
There is a lot more I could add to this, but I think you get the idea of what can be a game changer for you sexually in the new year and beyond. As I said above, this all comes from both personal experience, writing the book and from the comments of dozens of couples over the years and their own experience and discoveries that turned their sex lives into a very exciting time of anticipation, pleasure and knowledge. It is also very important to remember that age has nothing to do with being sexual, after all it is only a number. So make 2018 your best year sexually with your partner.
I had my wife Carole look this over and also add a few of her own thoughts as well. Our hope is that this will help some couples open up their sexuality much more and enjoy a lot more intimacy, excitement and pleasure in the new year.
Art Koch, National Features & DVD Editor, NightMoves Magazine and AAN