Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke, He asks the other guy if he has a lighter, He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies “Oh, I have a personal genie.” The first man asks “Can I make a wish?” Sure says the other man “Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard of hearing” “Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says ” I want a Million Bucks ” The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly overhead, And the guy says to the other ” Your genie really does suck at hearing” The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?”
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring the customers!” “I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.” With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says… “You idiot you’re sitting on the mop bucket!”
A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. As their wedding day approached, she became very nervous about her impending deflowering. Putting her anxiety aside, she decided that she would just marry her man and let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she’d seen. “What can I help you with?” he asked. She said, “Well first, what is that thing between my husband’s legs called?” “Ma’am,” he answered, “that there is called a penis”. “I see,” she said. “Now what is the round thing on the end of the penis called?” The old doctor smiled and said, “Why that there is called the head of the penis.” “I do declare!” exclaimed the young woman. “One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?” He paused and said, “I’m not sure about your husband, ma’am, but on me, they’re called the cheeks of my ass!”
An employer said, “I’ll pay you $10 per hour now and raise it to $12 in three months. When would you like to start”? The employee answered, “Three months from now“.