A man and his wife come downstairs on Sunday morning after waking up, reading a Bible verse and getting ready to start their day. The man says to his wife, “Honey why don’t you make us some coffee?” The woman paused for a minute and replied, “I don’t think I should make the coffee anymore”. The man was confused and said, “What?? You always make the coffee why is today different?” And to that the woman said, “We just read the Bible and it said over and over again …. Hebrew!”

 Human cannonball decided to leave the circus. “You can’t leave, said the circus owner … “Where will I find another man of your caliber?”

Did you hear about the woman who purchased a pistachio-colored Mitsubishi? She loves the car but can’t open it!

Did you hear about the lawyer’s computer? No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print!

What do you call a snowman with a tan? A puddle!

My computer broke down and I called the store only to hear this message, “Thank you for calling tech support. If your computer becomes obsolete while you are holding, please press 1 to reach our sales department!”

A man was arrested and stood in front of the judge at his hearing. The judge says, “You have been arrested for stealing $10,000 along with watches, rings and pearls. What do you have to say for yourself?” The defendant replied, “I thought I was doing the right thing because I was taught that money alone doesn’t bring you happiness!”

Who performs operations at the fish hospital? The head sturgeon!

What runs faster … hot or cold? The answer is hot because anybody can catch a cold!

Why did the farmer name is pet pig “ink”? Because it always ran out of the pen!

An employee told a new employee, “I’ll pay you $8.00 now and raise it to $10.00 per hour in three months. When do you want to start?” The young employee answered … “in three months!”