Time for some laughs

A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
 She answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”


During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite’
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’ Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back ‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? Johnny said: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’


A guy is having a couple of beers with his buddy and says, “I went and saw a fortune teller the other day.  She told me I would come into some money.  Last night I fucked a girl named Penny Nichols. Is that spooky or what?”



A Jewish  grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming  to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your  elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the  left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ………”What . . . … .. You’re coming empty handed?”


Guy is talking to his friend about his wife. “I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn’t thank me enough.”  So his friend wants to know what the problem is. “So I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts!  Women, I can’t figure them out.”