I came across this feature and felt it was perfect for “Art’s World” and in the right holiday spirit. All of the credit goes to Cosmopolitan magazine and writer Alyssa Shelaskey for this very clever piece. It was just too good to pass up and not share it with you on NightMoves. So enjoy it and have fun with it.

The 12 Days of Christmas song is a classic—full of good cheer, holiday spirit, and…light BDSM, right? Well the Cosmo version is! See what you and your true love should really give to each other this year.

  1. 12. Drummers Drumming – Drum his bum! Spankings aren’t just for Fifty Shades of Grey—along with blindfolds, whips, and other bondage-light go-tos, they’re spicing up bedroom repertoires everywhere. Start with some soft, quick pats to get his blood flowing. Then spank where his thigh meets his butt—he’s extra sensitive there. If you’re feeling vixenish, make him count his spankings. He could even recite this song as a countdown.…
  2. 11. Pipers Piping – Give a better BJ. The first rule about piping his piper is to do it. The second rule is to make eye contact with your man as you do it. This tip is so simple yet so important (and so often forgotten!). As you get to work, glance up at him in the most sexy, sultry, Scarlett Johansson–like way…and hold his gaze for a few seconds while you sexily lick your lips. It’ll seem like you’re treating him to something extra special. Happy Holidays To Him.
  3. 10. Lords A-Leaping – Mix it up. Don’t just lie there; switch positions during your romp. It is fun, great exercise, and will keep a guy going longer (wins all around). Start in missionary, then follow the lead of the randy blue elves at right for deep penetration and maximum clitorial stimulation—gifts you both can enjoy.
  4.  9. Ladies Dancing – Bust a move. Everyone needs their own stripper song—something that gets your body moving all sexy and sultry. Don’t have one yet? Celeb DJ Hesta Prynn suggests Miguel’s Use Me, Usher’s Bad Girl, Heart’s Magic Man, or Rihanna and Drake’s Take Care. Or put on Eartha Kitt’s Santa Baby. Dance in slow-mo, almost hypnotically. Run your hands over your hips, up your body, over your breasts, and through your hair. Make piercing eye contact the entire time (a sexy smirk only helps).
  5. 8. Maids A-Milking – Get into character. Surprise him by wearing some skimpy French maid–ish lingerie. Tickle him with your feather duster, then return to your cleaning “duties,” milking the costume for all it’s worth. Once he’s had an eyeful, lead him to the chambermaid’s room and reward him for his patience.
  6. 7. Swans A-Swimming – Splash around. Turn down the lights and draw a romantic bath for two, but bring a special friend—a rubber-duckie waterproof vibrator. Let your partner watch you getting wet in the bath (in more ways than one, ha!), promising him he can help you out when you’re done swanning around.
  7. 6. Geese A-Laying – Twist, then shout. Geese mate for life. Riff on this concept of eternal intertwinement and wrap your leg over his back, which gives him access to your clitoris. Then use a vibrator (an egg-shaped one, natch) around your clit, not on it. The clitoris has legs like a wishbone that extend down the labia, so attention to the surrounding area feels, mmm.
  8. 5. Golden Rings – Put a ring on it. Sure, it’s a little hard-core, but a great trick for dual pleasure is to use a vibrating cock ring. The guy enjoys a soft vibration on his shaft while you get targeted clitoral stimulation with each thrust. They also help guys achieve fuller, harder erections. Stocking stuffer, anyone?
  9. 4. Colly Birds – Say his name. Some say “calling birds,” but originally, it was “colly birds.” Take a cue from the evolved lyric and whisper his name lustfully during sex. It’ll snap your mind back from your shopping list to the heat of the moment. And hearing that you want him and only him is a turn-on.
  10. 3. French Hens – Use some tongue. We often neglect kissing and go straight for the below-the-belt stuff. Don’t! In the spirit of those frisky hens’ home country, French kiss madly, animalistically, and when he’s on fire, slow down and kiss his cheeks, ears, and neck. It’ll add urgency to the main event.
  11. 2. Turtledoves – Coo a little. Turtledoves are traditional emblems of true, devoted love. So in a postcoital moment, make sure to get touchy-feely. After sex, caress his skin all over to help him enjoy the moment. If you can handle a little more mush (come on, it’s the holidays!), coo into his ear and tell him how happy you are to get to spend this time together. Open up the conversation so he can tell you how he’s feeling too. Which—after all these tips—better sound a lot like grateful!


1. Partridge in a Pear Tree – Go for round two! If you need a little inspiration to climb his pear tree again, invent your own signature position. You have a signature scent, so why not this? If you’re into missionary, dangle your head, shoulders, and arms off the bed while he’s on top (you’ll get a heady rush; he’ll get a sexy view). Found your position? Now give it a code name that only the two of you know. Whisper it at his office holiday party to get him excited for the private festivities later!

Now, thanks to Cosmo and Alyssa you can implement some, or all, of these ideas into your sex fun for the holidays and beyond. Have fun with it, enjoy it and make this holiday season a very exciting and sexual one. There are a few in this group of twelve that I know we will definitely be giving a good run. So let the fun begin and Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to one and all!

Art Koch, National Features & DVD Editor, NightMoves Magazine and AAN

The material in this feature comes from Chad Braverman, creative director of sex-toy emporium Doc Johnson; Rachel Kramer Bussel, sex expert and author; Pam Carrol, couples therapist in Chicago; Amy Jo Goddard, sex coach in Napa, California;Logan Levkoff, PhD, sexologist.

Photo Credit: Gallerystock/Lucie Rice