Why don’t they play poker in the jungle … Too many Cheetahs!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas … He felt his presents!

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese … but it’s only mild!

The use of Botox used to be a taboo subject … now you can talk about it and nobody raises an eyebrow!

Sometimes I just tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward … that’s just how I roll!

Why did the scarecrow win an award … He was outstanding in his field!

Have you heard about the band “923 Megabytes” … Probably not because they haven’t had a gig yet!

What does a zombie vegetarian eat … Graaaaaaains !

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar … They each got six months!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl take a piss … Because the pee is silent!

My new girlfriend says I’m terrible in bed but I don’t think it’s fair to make a judgement like that in under a minute!

What happens to a church goer after he eats chili … He has to sit in his own pew!

I used to watch hockey before it was cool … they were basically swimming!

I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey … but then I turned myself around!

I used to hate facial hair … then it grew on me!

My new thesaurus is terrible … not only that but it’s terrible!

I’m scared of elevators … so I’m taking steps to avoid them!

Why didn’t the Astronaut come home to his wife … He needed his space!

I got fired from my job at the bank today … an old lady came in and wanted me to check her balance, so I pushed her over!

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed … Oh sheet!

What did the buffalo say when his son left for school … Bison!

Why don’t ants get sick … They have anty-bodies!

You shouldn’t write with a broken pencil… there’s no point to it!

Why don’t cows talk … Because they can’t udder a word!

What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits the windshield … Its asshole!

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet … Supplies!

It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you’re not a dad … it’s a faux pa!

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road … To go with the traffic jam!

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow … It’s making headlines!

What do you call somebody who migrated to Sweden … An artificial Swedener!

What do you call a fish with no eye … fssshhh!

When is your door not actually a door … When it is ajar!

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh … Ten tickles!