It was interesting to note in doing the research, sexual fantasies of women today do not vary much from those in the 70’s. Back then fantasy and sex became a hot topic because of books like Nancy Friday’s “My Secret Garden” and Erica Jong’s “Fear of Flying”, which had nothing to do with flying the friendly skies. It was a time when porn was becoming very popular with women and couples of all ages and the swinging lifestyle was catching on and growing with a whole new generation. Naturally, Cosmo, Playboy and others began doing surveys to find out what women’s sexual fantasies were. Fast forward to 2017 and not much has changed as the fantasies are pretty much the same with some becoming more popular than others over time.
So what are these sexual fantasies that women crave and would love to share with their husbands, boyfriends or significant others? Needless to say a very interesting canvas is painted here about what women of all ages fantasize about sexually. I should also add that most women’s fantasies pretty much mirror the same that men fantasize about. In dealing with this the most important word, communication, comes into play when it comes to sex and your partner.
Now, here is Part One of the Top 10 sexual fantasies of women according to the latest surveys of women of all ages. In the first segment here are fantasies 10 through 6. In Part 2 later this week we will reveal 5 through 1.
10. Being a Swinger – Reba Corrine, sex expert and wellness consultant says there’s no cause for alarm if this is your lady’s sex fantasy of choice. “It’s normal fantasize about having the freedom to swap partners,” she says. “This type of sexual freedom is not commonplace publicly, but is commonly fantasized about. Women are often told it is taboo to have more than one sexual partner — and the swinger lifestyle removes societal restrictions. Speaking from a personal standpoint of our being in the lifestyle for over thirty years, it also takes total trust, honesty and true love with each other to share one another.
9. Domination Sex – Even if your partner has no trouble taking the reins when the two of you are going at it, Corrine says that domination sex takes the desire for control a step further. “In a world where women are not empowered to be dominant, the reason behind the popular dominatrix fantasy is easy to understand,” she says. “Women are able to be assertive, confident and dominant during domination sex and are, in fact, empowered to do so.” It is a form of pleasure that can work for both partners.
8. Role Playing – These may mean your lady is looking for something fresh to add to your sex routine. As far as satisfying that need goes, Dr. Van Kirk says that daydreaming these scenarios can help take that edge off. Role playing can allow both she and her partner to relate to one another in a different way. “If she’s looking to change things up, role playing is the easiest way to spice up a vanilla sex life,” says Corrine. I can also attest to the fact that it is also a great deal of fun to get into the character of whatever roles you choose.
7. Sex with a Stranger – Sexual promiscuity has a double-standard. If a guy has sex with a stranger he just met, there are fist pumps all around. If women do it, there are a bunch of eyebrow raises and judgement made. Dr. Van Kirk says this is at the root of why this fantasy is so popular for women to have. “This is a common fantasy among women, especially with all the sex shaming we’ve become accustomed to,” says Dr. Van Kirk. “To be able to have stranger sex is something we haven’t given ourselves permission to do. The idea can be intoxicating and a feel little dangerous.” Chances are that this is one fantasy that will remain just that for many women.
6. Threesome with Another Woman – A threesome fantasy can say a lot about a lady, especially when it comes to what type of threesome she’s most into daydreaming about which include either another woman or another man. The idea of adding another partner to the mix can feel extremely exciting. Asking another woman to join the fun, sometimes, but not always, can mean that there’s some bi-curiosity your lady is interested in exploring but wants you there with her for the experience. “Many of my bi-curious clients have this fantasy,” says Corrine. Again, from a personal standpoint the times it has happened have always been very fulfilling and a tremendous experience for us.
There you have women’s sexual fantasies 10 through 6. In our next segment we’ll count down 5 through the 1. The biggest problem with fantasies is not what they are or entail, but most men, just like women, are afraid to talk about them for fear tthey may be looked upon as perverted or weird. So rather than communicate in an open and honest way, they keep these fantasies bottled up inside. They continue to have a vanilla sex life and do their best to please their partner while craving something more they both can enjoy and add some excitement to their lives. The only way to find out if your fantasies can become reality is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. You may be very surprised at their reactions to some of the things you would love to add into your sex lives. That doesn’t mean they will agree to everything discussed, but once you find a common ground to make fantasy a reality that you both agree on, you will be better for it.
Part Two will be in our next “Art’s World” on Thursday. So look for the final five and you might be surprised at what they are and how they rank.
Art Koch National Features & DVD Editor, NightMoves Magazine and AAN
Some of the information for this feature came from Garden of Desires by Emily Dubberley,Men’s Health Magazine, Healthy Place and AskMen.com, Reba Corrine sex and wellness expert, Dr. Kat Van Kirk sex therapist